Diet Pepsi and Designated Driving
by bisexual-annabeth
Summary: "In theory, Jason was all for being the D.D. God forbid one of his friends was to drive drunk and get hurt. It's just that, in practice, it wasn't exactly fun, and somehow Jason ended up doing it most of the time." In which something good comes from being sober when all your friends are wasted. Jasper one-shot. Includes lots of drunk demigods. Mortals AU.


**(A/N: ****I really wanted to write about the seven when they're drunk, and also do something with Jason and Piper because I haven't written about them in a while.****Enjoy, and don't forget to review!)**

Jason was pretty sure he was the only sober dude left at the party. Being the designated driver kind of sucked like that. In theory, Jason was all for being the D.D. God forbid one of his friends was to drive drunk and get hurt. It's just that, in practice, it wasn't exactly fun, and somehow Jason ended up doing it most of the time.

"Hey Jason," Percy slurred, coming up behind him from the other side of the couch.

"What's up, man?" Jason said, groaning internally. Percy got a little too affectionate when he was drunk.

"It's just that… I love you… so much bro… so much…" Percy said, wrapping his arms around Jason's neck from behind.

"Easy there. You're kind of strangling me. I love you too man. Please stop," Jason choked, wrenching Percy's arms away.

"You're my bro. You… you're my best bro, man. I love you bro," Percy said, sounding like he was about to tear up, or maybe throw up.

"Love you too, buddy. Why don't you go get another drink?" Jason said. Percy gave him a vague gesture, something like a thumbs-up that got lost in translation and had a few extra fingers sticking out. Then he wandered off in the opposite direction of the beer cooler, which was probably a good thing.

"Encouraging him to get more? Some friend you are." It was a feminine voice, and sounded miraculously sober. The girl in question sat down at the opposite end of the couch, folding her legs underneath her like they used to make you sit in preschool. They'd called it Indian style back then, though Jason was pretty sure that was considered racist now. She had smooth, tan skin, and her choppy dark hair was braided in a few different places. She wore a simple orange t-shirt, a pair of denim shorts, and a beat-up pair of purple Converse. She was gorgeous—like, ridiculously so.

Jason managed to stutter out a few syllables, which in no way managed to form a word or even a sentence. So much for flirting, or hell, even making conversation. Percy would have been disappointed in him, if he were sober enough to notice.

"Oh, God. Don't tell me you're drunk, too? I actually thought I might not be the only sober person here," the girl said.

"What? Oh, sorry. I'm not drunk. I'm driving later," Jason said.

"Ah," the girl said, "Not much for words, then?"

Jason shook his head. "Just tired," he said, which they both knew was a lame excuse. The girl seemed to be just as sober as he was, except less of an awkward dork. She was holding a Coke, so he assumed she was driving too. Or maybe she was pregnant. That would make things weird.

"Come on, you can't be tired. It's a party," she said, her voice dripping with sarcasm. They had reached the early hours of the morning now, and things could hardly qualify as a party anymore. Half the guests were either passed out or locked away in a room upstairs hooking up with someone they wouldn't remember come sunrise. The other half were meandering around the house looking for more booze or throwing up all over the furniture. Someone had shut off the music a half an hour ago, probably by accident, and no one had bothered to turn it back up. Things were eerily quiet.

"I'm Piper. What's your name?" the girl asked. Jason hadn't ever met someone with the name Piper, at least not in real life. He might have read it in a book somewhere or seen it on TV. It was a pretty name.

"I'm Jason," he said.

"Well, Jason, can I get you a Coke?" Piper said, standing up.

"Diet Pepsi is fine," Jason said.

Piper's perfect eyebrows shot up. "Diet Pepsi? Are you kidding me?"

"What?" Jason said, not really sure whether to be offended or amused.

"The only people who drink Diet Pepsis are people who can't find any Diet Coke. And sad people," Piper said.

Had she just called him sad? Jason shrugged uncertainly. "I just like the taste, I guess," he said.

Piper hit him playfully on the shoulder. "Jeez, chill. I'm just messing with you. I'll get you your lame Diet Pepsi, loser," she said, winking and making her way to the cooler.

Winking? What did that mean? Was she just being friendly, or was she actually flirting with him? Jason had only ever had one girlfriend, and seeing as they were student council president and vice president for all of high school, that was bound to happen eventually. They'd broken up after their senior year, and last he heard, she had a girlfriend now. Needless to say, Jason's girl experience was minimal.

Piper returned and tossed Jason his soda. He couldn't help but notice that she sat down considerably closer than she had been sitting before. That was a good thing, right? Piper didn't say anything, so Jason figured it was his turn to try to make conversation.

"So I take it you're also a designated driver?" Jason said.

"Affirmative," Piper said.

"Who are you here with?" Jason said.

Piper sat up straighter and looked around, searching out her friends. "See the blonde lying on the floor over there? That's my friend Annabeth," she said, pointing. The girl had been lying on the floor for the past hour quoting Socrates.

"I take it she's a philosophy major?" Jason said.

"She's studying architecture. If you can believe it, she actually reads ancient Greek philosophy in her free time. She's the biggest freaking nerd I know," Piper said.

"Weird," Jason said, neglecting to mention that he'd read most of what Annabeth was quoting. He hoped Piper wouldn't notice the way he was blushing. "That guy who nearly strangled me earlier was Percy," he added, changing the subject.

"Are you two… you know…?" Piper said.

"Dating? No. He just gets a little too affectionate when he's wasted," Jason said.

Piper nodded. "That's good, because I think I saw him making out with Annabeth earlier."

"Like I said—affectionate. See that guy in the corner making weird faces at that girl to make her laugh? That's Frank," Jason said.

"Seriously? You know him? The girl he's talking to is my friend Hazel," Piper said. They watched them for a minute. Frank was pulling weird faces and telling jokes without remembering the punchlines while Hazel listened intently. Hazel was giggling uncontrollably in between drunken hiccups.

"Then there's Leo. Last I saw him, he was trying to "upgrade" the toilet, whatever that means. I think he ended up puking all over his work. Plus Nico, who's probably sulking in the corner somewhere. I don't know if you've seen him. Looks kind of like he never grew out of his middle school emo phase," Jason said.

"Black hair? Super pale?" Piper asked.

"Yeah. Have you seen him around? He tends to blend in," Jason said.

"I think I saw him making out with a blonde guy a couple of minutes ago," Piper said.

"Seriously?" Jason said, "Good for him." If Jason had known getting Nico drunk would have gotten him to stop being such a sulky loner, he would have done it a long time ago. The guy was a total bummer.

Piper sighed. "Suppose we should drag our drunk weirdoes out of here and get them home?" she said.

Jason nodded, a little disappointed the conversation would have to end. "I suppose you're right," he said.

"You know, after we get these crazy kids tucked into bed, you and I could go off and have some fun of our own. Non-alcoholic, of course," Piper said, a gleam in her eye. Even Jason knew she was flirting now.

"I'm kind of tired," Jason said, immediately regretting it. What was wrong with him? She would think he was turning her down. It was just like him to screw up like this. He could already hear Percy and Leo laughing at him when he told them the story. Even Frank might crack a smile at his expense.

"Well then," Piper said, surprising him by taking out her phone and handing it to him, "How about you give me your number and I'll call you at a more _reasonable_ time?" Jason didn't believe in God, but he thanked Him anyway. And a couple of other gods, for good measure.

"I… yeah, sure," Jason said, stumbling over his words. It took him three tries to put in his number without making a typo.

"You'd better pick up when I call," Piper said.

"Or what?" Jason said, feeling suddenly bold with adrenaline.

"Or else," Piper said. Then, to Jason's astonishment, she leaned over and kissed him on the cheek. He didn't have time to respond before she was gone.

The guys were never going to believe this.


End file.
